Grieving – Page 4 – The Turning Points of Life

Butterflies and Zoey

On February 20th 2016, my birthday, we honored my dear friend Zoey by naming a baby in her honor at the Garden of Innocence. You can read the full story of that experience under July 2016 “Honoring Zoey” on this Blog.

Sunday, August 7th 2016, was Zoey’s 4th anniversary of her passing on. I realized this milestone while sitting in church that morning. I thought that it would be a special moment when I would be at the Garden of Innocence that afternoon for a meeting.

I was invited by Elissa Davey, founder of the Garden of innocence, to join her at the Garden that Sunday afternoon for an interview with two sociology researchers. The two PhD sociologists where from UCLA and Rice University and they were engaged in research regarding what causes people like us with the Garden of Innocence to do what we do.

I decided to go to the Garden about a half hour early just to spend some quiet time reflecting on my friend Zoey and all she means to me. Once again I would also reflect on the experience we had when we honored Baby Zoey on my birthday.

I arrived at El Camino Memorial Park and parked my car. The day was spectacular with the sun brightly shining and a cool breeze gently flowing over the grounds. I slowly made my way up the hill toward the Garden.

As I walked I thought, “It would really be nice if there were some butterflies flitting around when I get to the Garden.”

Whenever we have a burial of a child at the Garden of Innocence, there always seems to be at least one butterfly gracing us with its presence. More often than not it is a yellow and black tiger swallow tail. So it wasn’t an extraordinary thought that there would be some butterflies there when I arrived.

I continued to walk and then I thought, “It would really be special if a butterfly would land on Baby Zoey’s grave stone.”

I have very seldom observed butterflies landing on the ground. So this thought was rather extraordinary due to the rarity of such an event.

I arrived at the Garden to witness not one but half a dozen butterflies of varied species flitting around in profusion.

As I stood in awe, I got out my cell phone and started the camera in video mode. I was panning around when lo and behold I captured what I had hoped for on a video! Not only did I capture a butterfly landing on the ground, but it landed on Baby Zoey’s grave stone! Of all the grave stones in the Garden, well over a hundred, it landed on the very grave stone I had hoped for.

Link to Zoey’s Butterfly: https://youtu.be/rzEyToL0U-o

Alternate link to video: Buterfly Z

Leave it to Zoey to make my day yet again!

I couldn’t believe this was happening. I replayed the video a few more times and shared it with Zoey’s mother. We were both elated at this experience. Once again I had an exceptional Garden of Innocence experience.

The Feather from Heaven

I travelled an extraordinary two year journey with Dawn and Zoey and their family that began when Zoey was diagnosed with leukemia. I was on vacation in New Jersey when Dawn called me to tell me of her teenage daughter’s diagnosis. The journey was one of constant prayers, conversations and faith building experiences. Those two years brought life changing experiences to all of us who were so intimately involved in Zoey’s courageous and often miraculous engagement with the complexities of her unique condition. The feather from heaven event happened at an intersection of a series of unexpected moments and turning point experiences. They continued to this day.

On August 7, 2012 Zoey passed on having courageously battled leukemia and a series of devastating complications that accompanied the disease.

On a beautiful sunny Friday morning in August shortly after Zoey’s passing, I joined her family at a cemetery for the internment of their beloved teenage daughter. I was asked to perform the graveside funeral service. During the moments just prior to the service, Zoey’s mother confided in me and shared her experience of earlier that morning.

When Zoey was still a healthy teenager, mother and daughter would walk in the mornings into their garden. Dawn led the way swiping away the spider webs that had been spun overnight along the path. Zoey was an animal lover, but spiders were the lone members of her list of bugs that she detested. Zoey loved feathers. They were simply special to her so she collected them. On this special morning when Zoey was to be laid to rest, Dawn decided to take the morning walk alone through the garden. As she swiped the webs out of her path, deep feeling for her Zoey filled her heart. Then, when she reached the end of the garden, a beautiful feather drifted down from out of nowhere. Dawn stopped and reached out for the feather. She felt as though it was a feather from heaven, Zoey saying to her, “Mother, I am all right! I love you!”

The graveside funeral service touched on the feather message from heaven and all of gathered there found a measure of comfort and peace.

At the time I was a volunteer for the Garden of Innocence, an organization dedicated to the dignified burial of abandoned babies. (Ref: www.gardenofinnocence.org and “The Garden of Innocence – God’s Plan for Me” Post of September 2015)

At one point during the Garden of Innocence services, the babies were honored as a new arrival to the Garden. This was done with the release of a white dove for the new baby and then three doves released one each for the three persons of the Trinity. After these doves were released, volunteers read the names of all the other babies previously honored in the Garden. Finally two large baskets full of white doves were opened and the air was filled with the din of flapping wings as the large group of beautiful white birds took to the air in flight.

On Saturday morning August 10th, with the experience of the previous day with Zoey on our minds, Carol and I went to the Garden of Innocence funeral service for Baby George. My part in the program of events was to lead the dove release ceremony.

The service began as usual with the Circle of Love. The Knights of Columbus in their full regalia marched up to the Garden carrying Baby George’s casket.

The casket was passed from one person to the next in a Circle of Love created by those attending the ceremony. Finally the casket was placed on a table and adorned with some flowers. Songs were offered up, a poem was read and a sermon rendered by a visiting minister. The casket was placed in the grave and rose petals were strewn into the grave by the assembled volunteers and visitors. The dove ceremony followed.

The dove ceremony was about to commence when Carol prayed and asked God if He would grant our dear Zoey to reach out to Baby George, take his hand and welcome him. She reluctantly asked too, if He agreed, to send some kind of message.

I took the microphone, introduced the dove program and said, “We now release a dove for Baby George.”

As the volunteer holding Baby George’s dove opened her hands, the dove took flight, flying around in an ever widening circle before rising up through the trees. Carol along with all those assembled watched the dove’s ascent. Suddenly, a large white feather fell from the dove and drifted earthward between the tree branches. Slowly the feather spiraled downward in a haphazard random path. The master of ceremonies was standing in the midst of the Garden and lifted her hand as if to catch it. Surprisingly, it found its way right into her outstretched hand.

Carol was astounded, as she saw this as Zoey’s message to say she was taking care of Baby George. She couldn’t contain her excitement. Before I could continue the ceremony she ran to tell me what had just transpired. She urged me to tell everyone the story. I agreed that this amazing story had to be told and right then and there.

I addressed the Garden Family and explained in detail how the big white feather that fell from Baby George’s dove had special significance. As I concluded, the master of ceremonies walked over to me and gave me the feather. She asked that I give it to Zoey’s mother in memory of Zoey’s volunteer work for the Garden’s babies.

Zoey

I continued the dove ceremony releasing doves for the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. The volunteers read the names of the 125 children already in the Garden. When the last name was read the rest of the doves were released.

The Doves Released for All the Babies in the Garden of Innocence

When the ceremony concluded, people came to me, many with tears, thanking me for sharing the awesome experience we had in the Garden that day. Then Joe, the man who provided the doves, came to me and said that it was the first time he saw a dove lose such a large feather at the Garden. Many of the volunteers who had witnessed previous funerals at the Garden reiterated Joe’s comment that such a feather display had never been seen before.

When I arrived home I immediately called Zoey’s mother and related the extraordinary events that transpired that morning in the Garden of Innocence with her daughter. I explained that I had the feather for her as a keepsake of the wonderful message from heaven from Zoey.

Throughout the rest of that day, I marveled at what lengths God had gone to give us such a profound experience. I was thrilled to have added to Dawn a measure of comfort in the wake of the loss of her daughter.

TURNING POINT:

Sometimes God decides that a miracle is in order to teach us some important message with profound consequences for our future. At the moment we experience the miracle, or an unusually strange series of events that challenge our understanding, we wonder what its purpose is and what we are to take from it. Over time, experience reveals its purpose and understanding is made complete.

The Garden of Innocence – God’s Plan for Me

I was a few weeks away from retiring from my evangelist ministry in the New Apostolic Church. In our faith, we have scheduled three special services each year that were dedicated to the departed. These services for the departed had very deep meaning for me and I made sincere deliberate preparations for them. My experience as a four year old boy had significant influence on my personal involvement in these services and this early turning point I documented in my story entitled “Aunt Frieda – My Grandma” (June 2015).

Divine services for the departed were scheduled each year for the first Sunday in March, July and November. It was the Saturday morning of March 1, 2008 that I woke up very early and in my morning prayer dedicated my day to preparation for this special divine service for the departed. Not only would the service be my last to officiate a departed service but it was also included the baptism of a very special baby girl named Samantha Angele. (See the story “Samantha Angele – Miracle Baby” to be published soon)

I began my morning by making a pot of coffee and a light breakfast. I retrieved the morning paper from our front porch and sat down at our kitchen counter. As I waited for the coffee to brew, I opened the paper and briefly scanned the front page of each section. Then my eyes fell upon the local Family Section that had emblazed on it a picture of a statue of a kneeling woman on a gravestone with children’s names engraved upon it. The article was entitled “A dignified farewell”.

I was immediately captivated by this article and read it completely from beginning to end. It told of this Garden of Innocence, a final resting place for abandoned children. I had never heard of it before. The article further stated that this Saturday they would be burying their 100th baby named Annemarie. Engulfed in the deep feelings the article evoked in me, I decided I had to attend this funeral service. I showed the article to my wife and we both agreed we had to make this funeral our priority for the day. We both felt it was a divine calling with feelings in both of us being so strong.

We dressed, prepared ourselves and drove the few miles to El Camino Memorial Park. When we arrived we were directed to a hilltop. W made our way through the cemetery’s green lawn strewn with gravestones leading to the hilltop. We reached the Garden and found over 100 visitors preparing for the 10 am service. We of course had no idea what to expect. The guests sat on white folding chairs under a large green temporary canopy next to a circular sidewalk. The statue of the kneeling woman whose image was in the newspaper was off to one side of the sidewalk. Seeing it in person was very touching, as her face depicted a mother’s heartache at the loss of her child. The names on the stone and the dates, we later learned, memorialized babies whose remains had been cremated prior to entry into the Garden.

In the middle of the circular sidewalk were grave stones with the unique Garden of Innocence angel and heart logo and the names of babies interned previously. At the head was Adam’s headstone, the first baby to enter the Garden on June 19, 1999.

As the service began, a contingent of forty or more Knights of Columbus, dressed in their full regalia, marched up the hill toward the Garden escorting Annemarie in her little hand made wooden casket. The elegance of the Knights with their colorful formal dress replete with capes, swords and plumed hats added to the heart touching atmosphere. Elissa Davey the founder of the Garden sang a moving song “In this Special Place”. This song created a wonderful spirit of peace that came over the whole garden. As the Knights approached the Garden entrance, all in attendance were invited to form a circle of love on the circular sidewalk to welcome baby Annemarie into the Garden.

What happened next was quite unexpected but very moving. After we silently and reverently formed our circle on the sidewalk; the casket was passed from one to another. As I held the casket in my arms, deep feelings stirred in my soul. I quietly expressed my love to baby Annemarie and invited her to be my special guest at the service for the departed the next day. As I did this the song “O Come with Me” filled my thoughts. The first words of the song “O Come with me and I will lead you gently into a garden of enchanting charm” seemed so perfect. It depicted the special feelings that consumed me in that moment. Immediately I decided that this song would serve as the opening hymn for Sunday’s service. I passed the casket into the arms of my wife Carol. She also invited Annemarie to our service and passed her on to the next guest beside her in the circle. When the casket reached the end, the last person placed that casket on a table draped in a white tablecloth. Flowers and a small stuffed animal were placed to adorn the casket.

Next was a reading of a poem for Baby Annemarie and then the visiting minister offered up a prayer and sermon. Each was very touching and caused movement in our hearts and souls. People were invited to share what the Garden meant to them and then came the very impressive dove ceremony.

A white dove was given to a volunteer and the dove was released to represent the spirit of Annemarie being set free. The dove flew around a few times but instead of leaving to fly home as it normally would, it landed on the overhead canopy.

Carol and I were standing next to the canopy and Joe, the owner of the doves, was also standing there next to us. He remarked that this was strange in that it had never happened at the Garden before. Carol asked me if I thought there was some significance to this bird landing and staying on the canopy.

I said, “I think it is Annemarie telling us she accepts our invitation for service tomorrow.”

Then three more doves released were for the Trinity followed by a group of volunteers who read off one by one the 99 names of the other babies in the Garden. When the last name was read, two large white wicker baskets that were placed in the center of the circle were opened. There must have been 100 beautiful white doves that flew up in a din of fluttering wings, up through the trees circling the Garden in the sky above until they turned and left for their home. It was simply breathtaking.

Carol and I left the Garden that day with emotions and feelings that were overwhelming. But the story didn’t end there. We made our way home and had lunch. We took a break to relax a bit in our back yard recounting our experience in the Garden when the telephone rang.

It was a member from our church who had volunteered to provide the flowers for the special Sunday morning service. She asked if she could stop by to share a special experience she had that morning. I encouraged her to stop by on her way home from church.

Birgit and her family were from Germany and living in San Diego. Her husband was stationed with the military in San Diego for three years. She was very talented with flowers as well as with music. When she arrived she asked how our visit to the funeral service had gone. I briefly shared our experience but for some reason did not mention the song that had captured my soul as I held Annemarie in my arms.

Then Birgit told us what she had experienced that morning. When she finished preparation of the flowers for the service, she began to leave to bring them to church. But as she walked past the organ in her living room, she felt a strong impulse to go to it and play. She sat down at the organ and noted that her hymnal was already open to No. 296 “O Come with Me” and she began to play it.

I asked Birgit at what time it was when this happened. She said it was shortly after 10 am and asked me why. I told her that at about that very time, I held the baby Annemarie in her casket in my arms, and that song entered my heart. That’s when I decided it would be the opening hymn on Sunday.

We were all profoundly moved and attributed the whole series of events to the wonderful hand of our faithful loving God and Father. We marveled at the many fine details that comprised the events of the day.

The next morning was one of the most moving experiences in the sanctuary of God that I ever lived. A detailed pronouncement of that day will be forthcoming.

Turning Points

This experience was a major turning point for me. I was wondering as I approached my retirement; what does God have for me as a new ministry? Well this was an answer I could not ignore; rather it was one that I heartily embrace to this day. It is not possible for me to put into words that are worthy of the feeling and experiences I have been blessed with as I actively participate in this precious ministry. Every volunteer, every participant is masters at blessing each other by their joyfully generous contributions to our Garden Babies and the family the Garden has become. I am so blessed to be a part of it.

Each visit to the Garden brings new connections, new friends and new turning points that create the greatest joy and grateful expressions to our God for all He has made possible through this ministry. Watch for the chronicles to follow to describe these precious moments.
[The song “O Come with Me” Lyrics by

[ To learn more about the Garden of Innocence and how to donate to its cause, please visit them at www.gardenofinnocence.org ]