Grieving – The Turning Points of Life

The Reciprocity Commandment of Jesus

Embedded in the teaching of Christ is an inclusive commandment, namely the Reciprocity Commandment. When the disciples inquired as to how they should pray, Jesus responded with the comprehensive prayer we now express in each divine service as a prelude to receiving His grace by the absolution and His strength and virtue thorough the Holy Communion. We have prayed this prayer thousands of times. But has the essence of that prayer found its way into our soul and being to the extent that it powerfully influences our thought and conduct?

There is a very important phrase within the Lord’s Prayer that implies a most important expectation that our God has for each of us, the concept of spiritual reciprocity. It is the phrase: “forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors”. Jesus used these terms because they imply the worst in our interpersonal relationships, sin against our brother and sister. To better understand the comprehensive nature of this, allow me to suggest a few expansions on this Commandment of Reciprocity.

First allow me to reverse the phrase and personalize the words, as it may be easier to fathom:

as we forgive our debtors, forgive us our debts

as I empathize with my brethren, empathize with me

as I comfort my brethren, comfort me

as I do good for my brethren, do good for me

as I encourage my brethren, encourage me

as I care for my brethren, care for me

as I am gracious toward my brethren, be gracious unto me

as I seek to guide my brethren by my conduct, let me see Your conduct and be so guided

as I seek to be a blessing to my brethren, bless me

as I am an advocate for my brethren, be an advocate for me

as I seek the good in my brethren, search me for the good in me

as I rise above disappointments in my brethren, rise above when I disappoint You

as I seek to bring peace to my brethren, bring peace to my soul

I am sure that there are more . . .

TURNING POINTS

The reversing of the words offers an opportunity to change one’s perspective and facilitate a paradigm shift to more effectively assimilate the essence of the words and what they mean for our personal gropwth. This can be a meaningful turning point and is multiplied when expanded to other familiar word phrases.

The Problem with Forgiveness

When families of victims are confronted with the question of forgiveness, we often overlook the deeper implications of what it truly means to forgive on behalf of another person. News coverage of violent incidents frequently includes interviews with the families of victims, where the pressing question is posed: “What do you say to the perpetrator who took the life of your loved one?” The answers typically fall into two broad categories. Some family members call for severe retribution—even death—while others choose to extend forgiveness with remarkable generosity. Yet, these responses raise a fundamental and challenging question: What is actually being forgiven?

The common assumption is that the family is forgiving the perpetrator for the act of murder itself. However, this idea faces a significant philosophical challenge. We must consider whether it is truly possible for someone to forgive on behalf of another whose life has been taken, or if forgiveness can only be extended for harm done directly to oneself.

Simon Wiesenthal, in his book “The Sunflower,” explores the moral dilemma of forgiving in the stead of another. He recounts a situation in which a high-ranking Nazi soldier, gravely wounded and confined to a hospital bed, seeks forgiveness from a Jewish orderly. Tormented by guilt for the countless Jews he was responsible for killing, the soldier pleads for absolution. The Jewish orderly responds with a sobering truth: “I do not have the ability to forgive you for what you have done to others, I can only forgive you for what you have done against me.” This exchange forces the soldier to confront the reality that the forgiveness he desperately seeks can only come from those whose lives he has taken.

This narrative underscores a crucial distinction: while the bereaved may find personal healing or closure through forgiveness, they are not empowered to erase or pardon the harm inflicted upon the deceased. The ethical burden remains, as the true victims are absent and therefore unable to grant or withhold forgiveness themselves. As a result, collective or surrogate forgiveness—where families or communities speak on behalf of the lost—is intrinsically limited, raising profound questions about justice, memory, and the boundaries of moral authority.

TURNING POINT

This discussion helps focus on the fine details of the subject of forgiveness. It gives us the opportunity to understand the consequences of our actions as well as the limits of our remedies. The discussion ultimately emphasizes the profound challenges and ethical boundaries involved when forgiveness is sought for acts committed against those who can no longer speak for themselves.

WHY?

Often, when a soul dies a tragic and “untimely” death, those that feel the loss the most struggle with the question “why?”

There was a young man about to take a plane home to visit his mother. He felt the urge to write to her prior to the flight’s departure. He hurriedly tore a scrap of paper from a discarded magazine and wrote a brief note and mailed it to his mother. Then he left on his flight. The plane crashed and he lost his life. His mother cried bitterly, “Why?” Soon the note from her son arrived in the mail. She opened it and saw what was left of an advertisement on one side of the paper: it read in large letters, WHY?

She turned it over and read in her son’s handwriting these words: Dear Mother, God is too kind to do anything cruel and too wise to make a mistake. He is too deep to explain “why?”.

TURNING POINT

This story was first told to me at a funeral service for a young man who was tragically killed in a car accident. It was so profound and appropriate because everyone was asking the question “Why?” within their self. The “Why?” question is so often the thing that crops up when things go dramatically contrary to our desires. What this story tells us is that if we can authentically trust God, then we can move on in peace with the “why” unanswered. That’s a real turning point!

Soul Healing Scripture that Inspires

When my heart and soul are wounded, there are certain scriptures that the Holy Spirit reminds me to search again for sustenance for the moment of testing. I find these passages bring me back to the path of faith and trust in God that has guided me through intense challenges. Moments when “my feet had almost stumbled; My steps had nearly slipped” and reading these bring back the way they rescued me in past testing moments. I am encouraged to hasten to the sanctuary (often the “closet” in which I deeply pray) where the words of divine revelation rescue my troubled soul. I find my soul is revived when I can read and deliberate over these precious words for life.

Jeremiah 1:4-5 New King James Version

The Prophet Is Called

⁴Then the word of the Lord came to me, saying:

⁵“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you;
Before you were born, I sanctified you;
I ordained you a prophet to the nations.”

Psalm 73 New King James Version

The Tragedy of the Wicked, and the Blessedness of Trust in God

A Psalm of Asaph.

73 Truly God is good to Israel,
To such as are pure in heart.
²But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled;
My steps had nearly slipped.
³For I was envious of the boastful,
When I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

⁴For there are no pangs in their death,
But their strength is firm.
⁵They are not in trouble as other men,
Nor are they plagued like other men.
⁶Therefore pride serves as their necklace;
Violence covers them like a garment.
⁷Their eyes bulge with abundance;
They have more than heart could wish.
⁸They scoff and speak wickedly concerning oppression;
They speak loftily.
⁹They set their mouth against the heavens,
And their tongue walks through the earth.

¹⁰Therefore his people return here,
And waters of a full cup are drained by them.
¹¹And they say, “How does God know?
And is there knowledge in the Most High?”
¹²Behold, these are the ungodly,
Who are always at ease;
They increase in riches.
¹³Surely I have cleansed my heart in vain,
And washed my hands in innocence.
¹⁴For all day long I have been plagued,
And chastened every morning.

¹⁵If I had said, “I will speak thus,”
Behold, I would have been untrue to the generation of Your children.
¹⁶When I thought how to understand this,
It was too painful for me—¹⁷Until I went into the sanctuary of God;
Then I understood their end.

¹⁸Surely You set them in slippery places;
You cast them down to destruction.
¹⁹Oh, how they are brought to desolation, as in a moment!
They are utterly consumed with terrors.
²⁰As a dream when one awakes,
So, Lord, when You awake,
You shall despise their image.

²¹Thus my heart was grieved,
And I was vexed in my mind.
²²I was so foolish and ignorant;
I was like a beast before You.
²³Nevertheless I am continually with You;
You hold me by my right hand.
²⁴You will guide me with Your counsel,
And afterward receive me to glory.

²⁵Whom have I in heaven but You?
And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You.
²⁶My flesh and my heart fail;
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

²⁷For indeed, those who are far from You shall perish;
You have destroyed all those who desert You for harlotry.
²⁸But it is good for me to draw near to God;
I have put my trust in the Lord God,
That I may declare all Your works.

Psalm 138 New King James Version

The Lord’s Goodness to the Faithful

A Psalm of David.

138 I will praise You with my whole heart;
Before the gods I will sing praises to You.
²I will worship toward Your holy temple,
And praise Your name
For Your lovingkindness and Your truth;
For You have magnified Your word above all Your name.
³In the day when I cried out, You answered me,
And made me bold with strength in my soul.

⁴All the kings of the earth shall praise You, O Lord,
When they hear the words of Your mouth.
⁵Yes, they shall sing of the ways of the Lord,
For great is the glory of the Lord.
⁶Though the Lord is on high,
Yet He regards the lowly;
But the proud He knows from afar.

⁷Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You will revive me;
You will stretch out Your hand
Against the wrath of my enemies,
And Your right hand will save me.
⁸The Lord will perfect that which concerns me;
Your mercy, O Lord, endures forever;
Do not forsake the works of Your hands.

Psalm 139 Living Bible

139 O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. ²You know when I sit or stand. When far away you know my every thought. ³You chart the path ahead of me and tell me where to stop and rest. Every moment you know where I am. ⁴You know what I am going to say before I even say it. ⁵You both precede and follow me and place your hand of blessing on my head.

⁶This is too glorious, too wonderful to believe! ⁷I can never be lost to your Spirit! I can never get away from my God! ⁸If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the place of the dead, you are there. ⁹If I ride the morning winds to the farthest oceans, ¹⁰even there your hand will guide me, your strength will support me. ¹¹If I try to hide in the darkness, the night becomes light around me. ¹²For even darkness cannot hide from God; to you the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are both alike to you.

¹³You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit them together in my mother’s womb. ¹⁴Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! It is amazing to think about. Your workmanship is marvelous—and how well I know it. ¹⁵You were there while I was being formed in utter seclusion! ¹⁶You saw me before I was born and scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe. Every day was recorded in your book!

^17-18How precious it is, Lord, to realize that you are thinking about me constantly! I can’t even count how many times a day your thoughts turn toward me. And when I waken in the morning, you are still thinking of me!

¹⁹Surely you will slay the wicked, Lord! Away, bloodthirsty men! Begone! ²⁰They blaspheme your name and stand in arrogance against you—how silly can they be? ²¹O Lord, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you? Shouldn’t I be grieved with them? ²²Yes, I hate them, for your enemies are my enemies too.

²³Search me, O God, and know my heart; test my thoughts. ²⁴Point out anything you find in me that makes you sad, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

Psalm 139 The Message

139 ^1-6God, investigate my life;
    get all the facts firsthand.
I’m an open book to you;
    even from a distance, you know what I’m thinking.
You know when I leave and when I get back;
    I’m never out of your sight.
You know everything I’m going to say
    before I start the first sentence.
I look behind me and you’re there,
    then up ahead and you’re there, too—
    your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much, too wonderful—
    I can’t take it all in!

^7-12Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?
    to be out of your sight?
If I climb to the sky, you’re there!
    If I go underground, you’re there!
If I flew on morning’s wings
    to the far western horizon,
You’d find me in a minute—
    you’re already there waiting!
Then I said to myself, “Oh, he even sees me in the dark!
    At night I’m immersed in the light!”
It’s a fact: darkness isn’t dark to you;
    night and day, darkness and light, they’re all the same to you.

^13-16Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
    you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
    Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
    I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
    you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
    how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
    all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
    before I’d even lived one day.

^17-22Your thoughts—how rare, how beautiful!
    God, I’ll never comprehend them!
I couldn’t even begin to count them—
    any more than I could count the sand of the sea.
Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you!
    And please, God, do away with wickedness for good!
And you murderers—out of here!—
    all the men and women who belittle you, God,
    infatuated with cheap god-imitations.
See how I hate those who hate you, God,
    see how I loathe all this godless arrogance;
I hate it with pure, unadulterated hatred.
    Your enemies are my enemies!

^23-24Investigate my life, O God,
    find out everything about me;
Cross-examine and test me,
    get a clear picture of what I’m about;
See for yourself whether I’ve done anything wrong—
    then guide me on the road to eternal life.

I find these and many more words penned by a hand guided by the wisdom of the Holy Spirit are there for me and all to flow into my mind and being to do their healing, inspiring and rescuing work.

Turning Points

Reading scripture has the potential to bring new meaning to familiar words. When we enter scriptural reading moments with trust that the Lord will reveal timely newness to ancient words, we are not disappointed. This is the turning point when we experience the truth of this reality.

The Power of Children

Matthew 18:2-4 New King James Version

²Then Jesus called a little child to Him, set him in the midst of them, ³and said, “Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. ⁴Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

I have always wondered about this passage in the scriptures. Just what did Jesus mean when he taught this. I have learned that much of what Jesus taught had underlying truths that are beyond the obvious. It takes the “asking”, “seeking” and “knocking” that He taught was necessary to get at the full depth of His teaching. So, I have deliberated and prayed in seeking to better understand what the not so obvious meaning of this teaching in Matthew 18.

When people reach a stage in life when they lose their fear of “what others will think” they share their spiritual experiences. These are most often from early childhood when “adult reality” has not yet restricted and limited their vision. As I was reading Dr. Eben Alexander’s book “The Map of Heaven” I realized the proof of this reality from my own personal experience. Alexander’s book references the fact that people who have shared their early spiritual experiences go back many decades – six or seven decades – into early childhood. These memories were “as fresh as if they’d occurred just a few days before”. Young children feel very comfortable with spiritual experiences because they haven’t felt the expectations forced upon them by “adult thinking”. Young children are comfortable with spiritual experiences because it does not threaten their acceptance. Once adult reality sets in, this is no longer the case.

An event in my life that took place when I had just turned four years old. My Aunt Frieda suddenly died. My parents, probably realizing that she was so special to because of all the adventures she took me on, make a bold and courageous decision. Against all social rules of the time and place, they took me to the wake. When I was about 65 while driving alone with the radio off, I journeyed back in time and one of my life’s turning points surfaced in vivid color. I was once again walking hand in hand with my father into the funeral home. I was overwhelmed by the massive wall of flowers that seemed to go to the ceiling. The fragrances consumed the air in the room. My father lifted me up and as I peered into the open casket, I saw my Aunt Frieda lying serenely in a deep peace that embraced my being. From that moment, death for me was a passage into an authentic and profound place of indescribable peace. As a child, I didn’t have the ability to share the profound effect this experience had on my mind. But finally, as an adult, I have the experience and vocabulary to at least express the long-encapsulated feelings harbored deep in my memory for six decades. (NOTE: The full story of my relationship with Aunt Frieda is posted JUNE 2015 in my blog (www.lifeturningpoints.org ) [https://www.lifeturningpoints.org/?s=Aunt+Frieda]

Once attending a seminar, the facilitator expressed his love for talking and working with children. He saw them as “free” thinking and with an unfettered imagination. “I could talk about purple and orange washing machines without one of them saying, ‘NO! they are white!’” he said.

Stop and think of a profound spiritual experience from your childhood that you never told anyone about because you feared their reaction. Now as an adult, how would you describe it?

I suggest that what Jesus alluded to with His pronouncement in Matthew 18 was that we need to escape the limiting restraints of the natural and enter the glory of the spiritual. Children can do that because they are still free to soar into the spiritual without fear. Their humble nature keeps an open heart and mind for the spiritual.

Paul was also alluded to this in Romans 12. It is necessary to escape the “comfort” or “arrogance” of accepted adult thinking and be renewed back to childhood freedom to be dependent. The adult perspective is “I know it all!” and I don’t need God or anything or anyone else, I can do it myself. The child is the epitome of “I need you!” Jesus per chance was alluding to recognizing our dependance on Him to enter His kingdom.

Romans 12:2-3 NKJV

²And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

The prophet Isaiah points out in no uncertain terms that our “unrenewed” mind produces thoughts and ways lower and inconsistent the Lord’s. There is the truth of our dependence on Him for gaining kingdom’s entrance.

Isaiah 55:8-9 NKJV

⁸“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.
⁹“For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts.

But there is a way to regain that childhood vision of the spiritual along with the natural world. Jesus gave an answer recorded in Matthew 7.

Matthew 7:7 NKJV Keep Asking, Seeking, Knocking

⁷“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.

With a new understanding that we as adults can still possess a truly spiritual connection with the Divine, we need to pursue it with deliberate ASKING, SEEKING and KNOCKING. Silent meditation without the noise of the world around us and sincere prayers will open us up to the Holy Spirit when He visits us with revelations.

Our soul is our spiritual being that was known to the Lord before we were born as attested by Jeremiah.

Jeremiah 1:5 NKJV

⁵“Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you; Before you were born, I sanctified you;
I ordained you a prophet to the nations.”

To gain the fullness of our spirituality it is necessary to escape the confines of the material world. God will do this for us if we ask. Paul gave us encouragement to do this in Romans 12.

Romans 12:2-3 NKJV

²And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. ³For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith.

The journey to rediscover our spirituality lost when childhood graduated into adult limited thinking and speaking requires faith. And not just any faith. It requires an authentic and profound trust in the Lord. (See my book Solomon’s Recipe for details on this reality.) Faith provides evidence of our spirituality so powerful that it convinces the most vehement skeptic. The writer of Hebrews puts this truth most succinctly.

Hebrews 11:1 NKJV By Faith We Understand

11 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Remaining without cognizance of our spirituality dooms us to see only the material world. We see so little really when we leave out the spiritual. Paul made a great observation in his letter to the Corinthians. As you read the three translations of his words, embrace the nuances of each. See how you might take advantage of the subtleties as the words affect your feelings and thoughts.

1 Corinthians 13:12 KJV

¹²For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

Our vision is limited because we are bound to the material world. It takes faith and a connection with the Holy Spirit to escape the material world and get a God revealed glimpse into the spiritual world’s reality.

1 Corinthians 13:12 New Living Translation

¹²Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

1 Corinthians 13:12 The Message

¹²We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

Wisdom is to see that our vision is handicapped by our insistence that we are independent and individually capable of navigating life. The following scripture seeks to put us in our rightful place.

John 8:23-24 NKJV

²³And He said to them, “You are from beneath; I am from above. You are of this world; I am not of this world. ²⁴Therefore I said to you that you will die in your sins; for if you do not believe that I am He, you will die in your sins.”

John 8:23-24 The Message

^23-24Jesus said, “You’re tied down to the mundane; I’m in touch with what is beyond your horizons. You live in terms of what you see and touch. I’m living on other terms. I told you that you were missing God in all this. You’re at a dead end. If you won’t believe I am who I say I am, you’re at the dead end of sins. You’re missing God in your lives.”

Take some time re-reading John 8:23-24 and maybe explore other translations to enhance your study. You may be surprised by what the Holy Spirit reveals to your renewed open mind and heart.

TURNING POINTS

It was for me a fascinating turning point when driving and thinking in a spiritual retrospect. To consider my childhood experiences from a different perspective opened new insight.

GRIEVING – Another Look

In the German town of Bisingen there is a small stone pyramid in a field where at World War II concentration camp once stood. In memory of those who died in that camp an engraving appears on that pyramid that reads: Wanderer, if you pass by here, remember those whose lives were taken before they had lived it meaningfully.

When I read this passage in Malcolm Gladwell’s book “Revenge of the Tipping Point” I stopped and thought of our grieving over the passing on of our loved ones. As I paused to take in what I had just read, I re-read it several times.

That we feel grief over someone’s passing on is in fact the evidence that they lived a meaningful life. A life that impacted us to the point that it evoked grieving. What a potent way to see the gifts we received through the unique relationship we shared with them.

We all live our life with the hope that we have been a blessing to those we love. That our life with them had meaning. Not just meaning per se, but a meaning so profound that it produces grieving. If you read my other articles on this blog related to grieving, you will know that I see grieving as a positive experience. It’s something to cherish when we are able to rejoice in the blessings we garnered in the unique, one-of-a-kind relationship with that person.

With this new perspective, that our grieving is evidence of our loved one’s meaningful life in part through the blessings we possess, I am even more encouraged that we can deepen our appreciation of having a positive sense of grief.

Turning Points

I am constantly in awe of how the Spirit reveals to me new realities not only of grieving but countless other aspects of our life journey into learning and finding meaning in our own lives.

Gratitude – The Parent of Virtues

The amazing power of gratitude has found a deep-seated presence in my thoughts and soul, compelling me to write yet another article to join the other posts on the subject. The thoughts that have been cropping up in my mind have stemmed from the statement attributed to Cicero.

As I have stated before, gratitude is a deep sense of appreciation when one receives something undeserved. Gratitude has the power to transform our thinking. Using each gift we receive is the height of Gratitude. And again, I reiterate Hazelden’s quote:

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.

It can turn a meal into a feast,

a house into a home,

a stranger into a friend.

These two quotes have been my constant companion in my thoughts for weeks now. So, I write, what can we learn from this observation regarding Gratitude?

Gratitude is an attitude, and that implies that it is a decision, not a gift. If we look at the fruit of the Spirit and consider them as a starting point, we will see them as a gift of the Spirit. Something given to a faithful and open, accepting soul. Gratitude has the effect of opening a soul to accept the fruit as gifts of the Spirit.

Let’s consider the character of virtues. What is virtuous? Virtue is the quality of moral excellence.

Honesty, Courage, Compassion, Generosity, Fidelity, Integrity, Fairness, Self-control, and Prudence.

The cardinal virtues are Justice, Prudence, Temperance and Fortitude.

The theological virtues are Faith, Hope and Charity.

I urge you to explore how you have experienced gratitude as it opened for you a grip on the fruit of the Spirit. I invite you to share them with me and my readers.

Turning Points

Realizing more vividly the power of gratitude, causes me to protect my sense of gratitude from the daily onslaughts of the world’s noise that tries to inflict negativity on my senses. This is truly a turning point.

Grieving and Gratitude

Galatians 5:22-23

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.

In my day-to-day experiences, I find so many souls grieving. It almost seems like they are attracted to me in some strange way. As I have been grieving for over seventy-seven years, I must be some sort of authority on this deep emotional and spiritual reality of life. As I have navigated over eight decades of grief, I have experienced ever deepening understanding of how to experience grieving in a positive way, one that doesn’t steal away my peace and comfort. Therefore, I am very sensitive and observant to catch little and sometimes subtle revelations of positive touchstones for grieving more rewardingly.

My other articles on grieving within this blog attest to numerous of these discoveries. It’s also comforting to note that learning how to grieve with positivity enables us to be a blessing for others, helping them to discover what we have learned.

My latest revelation came as I scrolled through social media and came across this beauty.

This is one of those moments when two critical truths intersect. I have a passionate appreciation for gratitude and its power to transform one’s thinking and perspective. When my eyes first fell upon the words in this picture I immediately thought of grieving. That’s because I have found that we can find joy, yes JOY, in grieving. (See Grieving V in this blog for more on grieving with joy)

This statement “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others” immediately recalled the fruit of the Spirit. What greater virtues exist other than the fruit of the Spirit? Gratitude surely is the most powerful when it is the first thing in heart and mind when we begin a new day or when life’s challenges become overwhelming to steal our ability to sleep. Gratitude is potentially the solution to all negativity in our life including grieving. One might say that gratitude is the arch enemy of chronic pessimism.

I urge you to explore how you have experienced gratitude as it opened for you a grip on the other fruit of the Spirit. I invite you to share them with me and my readers.

Turning Points

With all the negative publicity on the evils of social media, I find it a positive thing when such goodness can come from posts such as the one in this article. For me it is a turning point in seeing another benefit of gratitude.

Being an Angel

Hebrews 13:2 New King James Version

²Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some have unwittingly entertained angels.

We understand that angels were created by God before the earth and heavens. He created them to serve Him and to do His will. They were created differently from we humans. They have unique characteristics making them free of some of the human limitations we have. However, key to understanding angels is their purpose, to do the will of God the Father.

Scripture makes many references to angels and thereby reveal their function and purpose. There are many words in the Old and New Testaments showing just how God used His angels in myriad situations to convey His will to the people for their blessing.

In the life of Jesus from beginning to earthly end an Angel played a key role. Firstly, an angel spoke to Mary to prepare her for her unique role in the great plan of salvation.

Luke 1:29-31 New King James Version

²⁹But when she saw him, she was troubled at his saying, and considered what manner of greeting this was. ³⁰Then the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. ³¹And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bring forth a Son and shall call His name Jesus.

And then as Jesus faced His grueling sacrifice in the Garden and angle came to give Him the strength to accomplish His task.

Luke 22:39-44New King James Version

The Prayer in the Garden

³⁹Coming out, He went to the Mount of Olives, as He was accustomed, and His disciples also followed Him. ⁴⁰When He came to the place, He said to them, “Pray that you may not enter into temptation.”

⁴¹And He was withdrawn from them about a stone’s throw, and He knelt down and prayed, ⁴²saying, “Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless, not My will, but Yours, be done.” ⁴³^[Then an angel appeared to Him from heaven, strengthening Him. ⁴⁴And being in agony, He prayed more earnestly. Then His sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground.

Now let’s look at the question; Can I be an angel? Can a human being be an angel? The answer I believe is NO. We do not have the characteristics of angels. However, I believe we can function as angels, and often without realizing it. I have experienced something that can be considered being an angel unwittingly for someone, a stranger.

I was at social gathering at which I was not acquainted with everyone attending. After greeting a few people who I knew, I noticed a lady sitting all alone. I greeted her, a perfect stranger, and introduced myself. She introduced herself as Mary. As we spoke and shared our backgrounds, we found common ground and had a delightful conversation. Suddenly her husband joined us. She introduced us and the conversation continued without Tom contributing. Tom just sat quietly taking in the conversation.

For some unknown reason I initiated the topic of grieving into the discussion. I knew nothing of this Tom save for his name. As I spoke, I introduced the concept of ceasing to consider that someone who died “passed away”. Rather we should think of them as “passing on”. I explained how when we consider what our friend “passed on” to us in our unique relationship with them we will find authentic gratitude for the treasures we gained. I went so far as to say that when the gratitude reaches profound status in our heart and soul, we can find joy in our grieving. Joy that we were so blessed to have had such an extraordinary life together with our deceased friend. (See multiple Grieving Articles at this blog for the essence of my conversation)

Without a word, Tom abruptly arose and walked away. I feared for a moment that what I said may have offended him. As I watched him leave, I saw him walk away from the group and disappeared alone down the lane.

Mary then confided in me. She said, “He needed that!” She proceeded to tell me that he had lost his best friend a few months ago. He was having a hard time finding peace and comfort in his grieving. His wife further explained the depth of her husband’s relationship with his friend who had passed and the frustration he was experiencing.

Shortly afterward I was leaving and saying my goodbyes Tom came to me and thanked me for my words. His smile revealed that what he had heard had changed something for him.

During a conversation about “being an angel” a few days later, it dawned on me that I functioned as an angel to this man, a total stranger. In retrospect I now understand why I spontaneously initiated a conversation on grieving. Was it God reaching out to him, perhaps even answering his prayer? I was simply “functioning” as an angel. I was not an angel. But to this man I suspect I filled his need and as such he saw me as an angel.

[See “My Son is an Angel” article on this blog for more on angels]

Turning Points

It is a humbling experience to realize that God would use me to be a blessing for a total stranger. When I have the courage to allow the Holy Spirit to inspire something that seems out of left field, good things ensue. It prompts me to keep aware of what the will of God is calling me to do.

TRANSFORMATIVE MUSIC AND SONGS – Part 2

There are poems and songs whose music and lyrics have the power to touch our hearts, minds and souls and transform our personal perspectives. They grip our attention and cause us to listen and relisten as the spirit of the words and collaborative music reach the depths of our being. They team up to extricate us from our daily world of activity and challenge us to consider who we are and why we are here and where we might choose to go. I found these poems and songs to be thoughtfully written and when the songs are sung they touch me deeply each time I hear them. These poems and songs speak to my soul and refuel it. I will present a few of them here. Hopefully you too might find them something special.

What a Friend We Have in Jesus

Joseph M. Scriven

What a friend we have in Jesus
All our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer!

Oh, what peace we often forfeit,
Oh, what needless pain we bear.
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer!

Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged;
Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Can we find a friend so faithful,
Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy-laden,

Cumbered with a load of care?

Precious Savior still our refuge!

Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Do Thy friends forsake Thee?

Take it to the Lord in prayer.

In His arms He’ll take and shield Thee;

Thou wilt find a solace there.

I find that if I read them slowly, feeling each word and phrase, the depth of their meaning to me is inescapable.

BE STILL MY SOUL

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heav’nly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.
Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened in the veil of tears,
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.
Be still, my soul: the hour is hast’ning on
When we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

Katharina A. von Schlegel, pub.1752 tr. by Jane L. Borthwick, pub.1855 copyright status is Public Domain

I have found that poems much like song lyrics possess the power to touch the heart and soul. This is especially true when we have journeyed through grief and tragedy. In my yet to be published book on grieving I note the following poems that can comfort and renew my soul.

This poem by Henry Van Dyke gives an interesting metaphor to give a new perspective on the death of a loved one.

I Am Standing Upon the Seashore

Henry Van Dyke

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship, at my side,
spreads her white sails to the moving breeze and starts
for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength.
I stand and watch her until, at length, she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then, someone at my side says, “There, she is gone”

Gone where?

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast, hull and spar as she was when she left my side.
And, she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me — not in her.
And, just at the moment when someone says, “There, she is gone,” there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, “Here she comes!”

And that is dying…

Death comes in its own time, in its own way.
Death is as unique as the individual experiencing it.

Sometimes a poem or song has multiple effects upon us. This poem, My Cross, is just that for me. First, it brings to profound remembrance of my dear mother. I found it among her papers, typed on a small piece of onionskin paper when after her debilitating stroke it fell upon me to care for the finances of my parents. The paper was faded and threadbare on the edges from heavy frequent use I surmised. But in that moment, it solved a long wonderment I had as to how my mother was able to navigate her constant health issues with an amazing positivity.

Second it provides another perspective of meaning. It illuminates the diverse blessings in the burden of our myriad lifelong troubles here represented in a cross.

Years ago, I discovered the source of this poem, titled “My Burden” composed by Amos Russell Wells. Amos R. Wells (23 December 1862– 6 March 1933) was an American editor, author, and professor. The poem “My Burden” was published in a volume titled “The Collected Poems of Amos R. Wells” in 1921.

MY CROSS

Upon my back was laid a grievous load,

A heavy cross to bear along the road.

I staggered on, until one weary day,

Lurking temptation sprang across my way.

I prayed to God, and swift at His command

The cross became a weapon in my hand.

It slew my threat’ning enemy, and then

Became a cross upon my back again.

I faltered many a league, until at length,

Groaning, I sank, and had no further strength.

“Oh God!” I cried, “I am so weak and lame!”

And lo! my cross a staff of strength became.

It swept me on till I regained the loss,

Then was upon my back, again a cross.

My soul a desert. O’er the burning tack

I persevered, the cross upon my back.

No shade was there, and in the burning sun

I sank at last, and thought my days were done.

But lo! the Lord works many a blest surprise –

The cross became a shade before my eyes!

I slept; I woke, to feel the strength of ten.

I found the cross upon my back again.

And thus, through all my days, from that to this,

The cross, my burden, has become a bliss,

Nor ever shall I lay the burden down,

For God one day will make my cross a crown!

I hope that sharing these perspectives I have gained from poems and songs open up new vistas that warm your heart and refuel your soul for each tomorrow of your life.

Turning Point

I find that many songs and poems contain words that reveal as a prism previously hidden the essence of our deepest thoughts confirming our vision of our life’s purpose. And like a diamond, each time we hear them they reveal a facet not seen in previous listening moments. It’s like a flower unfolding revealing beauty previously hidden within its bud. And at times we can even see how that song has had its effect upon our hearts, souls and minds fulfilling its intended divine purpose. And how sweet when the words of a poem or the lyrics to a song amplify the essence of our life.