It was the summer of 1973. I was a church youth leader and we were on a trip to Canada. I accompanied fifteen teenagers on the five hour flight from San Diego. Arriving in Toronto we were taken to one of the local churches where we were assigned to families who had volunteered to house our youth and youth leaders.
The next morning after a hearty breakfast, we were taken to a park where we were joined by youth form all over Canada and the USA.
We had just arrived at the park when I noticed a small crowd gathered around a man who was talking. I made my way to the edge of the rapidly building crowd of people.
I imagined he was about thirty years old with short prematurely gray hair. He was relating a fascinating story. Everyone was intently listening as he masterfully told his story with vivid details. To this day, I could not tell you what that story was about, but the life lesson, the turning point, that I experienced in the moments that followed were unforgettable.
As I listened to him speak, I assumed he was from England as he spoke in a distinctive English accent. I found his voice and accent delightful. When he was done I spoke up.
“What an interesting story. I could listen to your delightful accent for endless hours.” I said.
I felt good saying it and meant it as a compliment.
He quickly retorted in his heavy accent: “I don’t SPEAK with and accent! YOU LISTEN WITH ONE!!!”
Wow, was I taken aback! I didn’t expect that response and didn’t know what to say so I just kept quiet. I momentarily stood there in shock, dumbfounded and unable to utter a single word. The man quickly entered into discussions with others while I slinked away to be in solitude.
Alone, I deliberated within myself as to what had just occurred. After I extricated my ego from the shock, I realized that this man had given me a new and ultimately valuable perspective. He revealed a fine point in the art of listening. We all have an accent, a filter that characterizes what we hear and how we process it. It is important that we are aware of our accents and in some cases, alter them by fine tuning them for our own benefitial growth in mastering our listening skills.
The Turning Point
Over the process of years of deliberation and observation, I have grown to appreciate this profound point of listening: We must be aware and conscious that we indeed listen with an accent: the accent of “I want it to be thus…” or “Only if it is my way will I play….” or “that’s not what I expected” . Since then I have learned to relish the unexpected, unplanned for, surprisingly rewarding events that force their way into my day….they are gifts of learning, learning who I am, why I’m here, and where I am going, as well as who you are, why you are here in my life, and where are we going together.
I also learned that sometimes there “accents of ignorance” and that at times, well meaning people can say things that hurt us. When I am aware of the accents of others, I can parry that hurt and quickly forgive, saving myself from unwanted and unnecessary pain.
COPYRIGHT © 2014 ALLAN E. MUSTERER