Raising Thinking Children – Page 4 – The Turning Points of Life

Math Teacher Philosophy

In my four years at Garfield High School, I took specific mathematics classes to prepare myself for studying engineering in college. My first year I had Algebra I. The second year I had two math classes, Algebra II and Geometry. The third year Solid Geometry-Trigonometry combined into one class. My final year I studied Calculus.

My Solid Geometry-Trigonometry class was taught by Mr. Peter Hubiak, a seasoned mathematics teacher who came with a well known reputation for strictness.

Mr. Peter Hubiak

Mr. Hubiak was a real character. Most of the students teased him behind his back because of his idiosyncrasies. He always seemed to have chalk stains on his suit jacket and a perpetual bulge of pens and pencils in his breast pocket that threatened to burst the pocket’s seams. The careful observer of details discovered soup stains on his tie and even on the front of some of his shirts peeking out from the edges of the lapels of his suit jacket. He was one of the oldest teachers on the staff. In fact, he was really old in my view because he had taught my parents!

Mr. Hubiak turned out to be a harbinger of wisdom that went beyond his expert teaching of solid geometry and trigonometry. He frequently philosophized during class. He would preach wisdom that stuck with me, probably because under the teenage critique of him there lay a certain measure of profound respect. His germs of wisdom took root in me and over time saved me from many potential losses both financially and career wise.

One of his philosophical offerings was his statement, “You can’t get something for nothing.”

That may sound simple and maybe even trivial, by many a time in life a prospect that seemed too good to be true tempted me to invest my resources. Then his words echoed in my mind and I resisted the temptation. Future events revealed how that little impulse saved me from serious financial losses. To this day I am grateful for Mr. Hubiak’s persistent preaching to us as teenagers.

Another offering was this suggestion that applied, as I later in life discovered, not only to solving mathematical problems but life problems as well.

He said, “When you are facing problems and situations that seem to overwhelm you, stop and go back to basic principles. Apply them and the solution will reveal itself.”

One of the most important turning points for me came with this “Hubiak-ism” as a key element. At a critical moment in my engineering career, when I was severely challenged, my God reminded me of this precious gem of wisdom from my teacher. It lay dormant in the crevices of my mind and was resurrected with meticulous timing to make a huge difference in facing a seemingly overwhelming challenge. [Refer to the story titled “It Doesn’t Work – Fix It” to see how this simple but profound solution evolved into a big professional success.]

Turning Point

The realization that wisdom can come from the least expected people who come into our life unexpectedly is a true turning point. It reveals the understanding that God can and will use anyone to fulfill His purpose for us. We just need to position ourselves to be extricated from our prejudices, judgments and fears so we are open to the blessings that can flow from these unexpected sources. Turning point phrases also find application beyond the obvious, as I have discovered in the spiritual part of life when resorting to “basic principles” as simply asking God through heartfelt prayer.

We Are Going To Be Undefeated!

At six years old, our son Randy attained the age of eligibility to play T-ball. T-ball at the time was a program to teach six year olds the fundamentals of baseball. Instead of having a pitcher throw the ball to the batters, there was an adjustable post that was placed at home plate. The height that it held a baseball for the batter to hit was adjusted for each batter. There were nine players with one player positioned where the pitcher normally would play.

When the day came for registration, Carol, my wife, took Randy to sign up for our local Mira Mesa T-Ball league. He was assigned to the Pirates team and was presented with his equipment consisting of a black and yellow Pirates baseball cap and jersey. He was very excited and proud to be part of a team.

That evening when I arrived home from work, Randy ran to meet me proudly decked out in his new uniform.

Randy’s official Pirates Picture

Excitedly he announced to me matter-of-factly, “Dad, out team will be undefeated and win the championship.”

That’s when I stepped in with my fatherly “reality check” comment, “Randy, you need to know that your team will lose a couple of games.”

Randy insisted, “No Dad, we are going undefeated!”

As the season wore on, I became more and more impressed with the coaches of the team. Unlike many other team coaches, the two men who coached the Pirates kept a level head staying cool while others, mostly parents were going wild. They kept the game simple for the little kids, giving them clear and simple instructions. If the ball was hit in the infield, they were told to always throw to first base. If the ball was hit to the outfield, they were told to always throw to second base. This strategy employed the law of averages and it worked perfectly.

Game after game the Pirates came out on top of the final score. By the end of the season, the Pirates were indeed undefeated and won the championship!

Although he didn’t say it, I wouldn’t have been surprised if Randy was quietly thinking, “See Dad, I told you!” Maybe it was the excitement of the accomplishment or maybe he was just being gracious, but he never uttered those words to me.

The Pirates Team

Carol and I joyfully congratulated Randy and his team mates as they excitedly walked off the field as champions and the first undefeated team in the program.

I had to pause and understand the lesson my son just taught me.

Turning Points

I learned that being realistic and practical when dealing with children is not always the best course to follow. Better to be prepared for when and if the unexpected happens than to force the issue and run the risk of being the “wet blanket”. You never know when “undefeated” and “championship” are dreams destined to come true. Randy proved to me that season in his little boy naiveté that dreaming big is the best way to face a challenge. Then over and over again as he grew up, he found ways to succeed at whatever he set his mind to do.

The Candy Sales – Wholesale Learning

When our son Randy attended middle school, my wife Carol picked him up after school because the walk was a bit too long and there were too many busy streets to cross. Sometimes on the way home a stop at the store was necessary to pick up needed items.

One such day entailed a stop at a wholesale bulk item store. The store sold many bulk items that provided local stores, restaurants and small mom-and-pop shops easy access to wholesale supplies. Randy convinced his mother to let him buy a box of “now-and-later” candy, a taffy-like candy individually encased in wax-paper wrappers and assembled in packs of five. The box was wholesale priced at half what it cost at a typical store.

A few weeks later Randy brought some of his own money and bought five boxes. Each week the number grew until he was buying a whole duffle bag full. At this point I became aware of his purchases and inquired as to what was going on at school with all this candy.

Randy said, “I am selling these ‘now-and-later’ candies for quarter a pack.”

Considering he paid only twelve cents per pack, he made a very attractive profit, in excess of 100%. I asked if the school allowed this kind of business.

Randy said, “I don’t know, but up till now there‘s been no problems.”

I told Randy that if he were caught and reprimanded, he’d not only face the music at school but he‘d have to promise to cease and desist with his little business. He agreed.

For a few months, sales continued to be brisk and profitable, bringing in as much as $50 per week in profits. Then one day at the dinner table Randy admitted that he finally was caught. One of his “clients” dropped a wrapper on the floor. The teacher’s eye caught the event and reprimanded the student who promptly gave Randy up as the distributor. The teacher told Randy he must stop immediately.

With this news, I reminded him of our agreement and he assured me the program was finished.

The next morning, to my surprise, I saw him with two smaller duffle bags, both crammed with “now-and-laters”.

I asked, “What happened to our deal?”

Randy replied, “Dad, when you warned me what would happen if I got caught, I made a contingency plan. I am now only a wholesale distributor. I recruited two school friends as salesmen and they pick these up from me a block from school. They pay me 17 cents per pack and they sell them for a quarter. That way we all get a cut of the profits!”

I could only marvel at his ingenuity and forethought. Eventually, the program died when the school year ended, but what lessons he learned. These lessons served him very well in his future.

Turning Points

The turning point for me was to never underestimate the creativity of youth, especially your own children. Important was to guide them and their creativity toward positive life goals. Teaching consequences for actions was another life lesson of this experience.

A turning point for Randy was he learned that when one plan wasn’t working, another plan was required. The second plan needed to circumvent the issues that caused the first plan to no longer be viable. Creative thinking through the problem resulted in another success.

When Will You Visit Me?

Zoey, my sweetest teacher

Life lessons and turning points have come to me at the least expected times and from unexpected people. Turning points happened without warning and surprised me in spite of my efforts to be prepared for them. Such was the case with a very young girl who proved to be one of my greatest teachers and the initiator of numerous turning points for my life.

All my experiences with Zoey as a little girl and all the way through her teenage years were life lessons that proved to be profoundly beneficial even to this day. One of those experiences came when I attended a birthday party for Zoey’s grandfather, Dave.

My wife and I were at Dave’s son’s home early one evening to celebrate Dave’s birthday. As I stood amongst the crowd of Dave’s friends and family, I looked across the room and noticed five year old Zoey nestled in her grandpa’s arms. I approached to greet her. As I neared she noticed me and put her hands on her hips in gentle indignation and said, “When will you come to visit ME?”

Not expecting this, I said in defense, “But I do come to visit you Zoey!”

She said, “No! You come and visit my mommy and daddy and then I have to go to bed!”

I said, “Zoey, I will visit you and we can send your parents to bed.”

I immediately set out in search of her mother, Dawn. Once found I proceeded to tell Dawn of my little conversation with Zoey. We arranged a visit for the following week.

In the days leading up to this first-of-a-kind visit for me, I wondered what it would be like. As a minister I made many pastoral family visits, but I had never made a visit exclusively to such a young child. My preparation for any pastoral visit included praying that I would be a blessing and bring something of value to the church members I visited. This was no different, except I must have prayed more fervently because out of this visit God provided a most effective turning point for me.

When the day dawned for my visit, everything seemed normal. Nothing in the day seemed out of the ordinary. After dinner, I dressed for my visit donning a sport coat and tie. I prayed prior to leaving home and drove the twenty miles to Zoey’s home. Still, everything seemed normal, belying what was about to happen.

When I arrived, I searched the area around the apartment building for a parking spot. I pulled into a spot on the street, gathered myself for this experience and prayed one last prayer for divine guidance and support. All the time I wondered how this visit would unfold. I climbed a flight of stairs and knocked on the door.

Quickly the door opened and Zoey greeted me in the doorway with her mother at her side. I was warmly welcomed and Zoey announced excitedly, “I made you some cookies!”

As I entered the apartment, Zoey asked me if I wanted milk or coffee to go with the cookies she made. I opted for the coffee and Zoey and Dawn made quick work of getting my coffee and Zoey’s milk on the coffee table in the living room. Zoey’s dad Greg came in to say hello and then he and Dawn went off to their bedroom, just as I had arranged.

Zoey and I sat down in the living room eating cookies and sharing our thoughts. I was thrilled at the depth of the conversation we shared. It was a really a sweet evening. I learned a lot about Zoey and what was important to her young mind. After about an hour, we prayed together and her parents emerged from their self imposed isolation to say good night.

As I drove home that evening I reflected on the deeper bond between us that had just been built. Time and experience later proved how deep and mutually beneficial this turning point really was for Zoey and me. In the evening together Zoey and I built mutual trust and respect for each other, and this opened doors for us to serve each other as she grew. Just one precious hour, face to face, heart to heart, soul to soul, and everything became different. God worked in the most wonderful way to create this blessing for us just as He would later open many more blessings. I marveled at His meticulous ingenuity as I witnessed His plans unfold before my eyes and He visited me with yet another turning point.

Turning Points

In addition to enhancing the relationship Zoey and I shared, this experience ushered in the understanding that such visits with all children created a connection with them that paid many dividends in their future and our relationship.

This experience gave me an interesting insight into the heart of children. It was a turning point in how I perceived my ministerial service to children. Following this experience, whenever I was appraised by parents that their child was having difficulties, I would make a visit with their child one-on-one as I had with Zoey. This opened many opportunities to develop a relationship that brought many positive results for both child and me.

These precious moments with Zoey revealed wonderful insight into her heart and soul. I developed a great appreciation for her special gifts and talents. She always found a way to touch my heart with how she uniquely saw the people and things around her. As you will see in future postings, Zoey became my teacher and this episode was just one of many lessons in our life together.

The Mexico Connection – The First Fish Turning Point

Turning points in my life have appeared unannounced and camouflaged in unexpected events. They were often preceded by a chain of unrelated events that ultimately culminated in a classic turning point that changed everything. Such was the case in late 1970 after Carol and I had relocated to the west coast.

Where do you vacation when you live in Paradise? This was the question my wife and I wondered since we arrived in San Diego from northern New Jersey. The answer came from Carol’s friends at work. “You must discover Mexico!” was their response to our question.

So our first vacation while living in California found us going by train from Mexicali to Mazatlan in 1971. It was a great adventure that opened our hearts and minds to the beauty of the land and people who were our southern neighbors. This series of events set the stage for a turning point moment in time a few years later, 1974 when our son was a year old. Friends invited us to join them for a Saturday at a small vacation community just north of the town of Rosarita Beach. Americans owned a few dozen homes on a bluff above a beautiful beach, about 30 miles south of the border on the Baja peninsula. The setting was so perfect that Carol and I decided to rent that same beach house the following summer. With the pertinent information for renting the place from our friends we began to formulate our vacation plans.

We arranged to rent the beach house for the first week of August 1975. As the date approached, Carol and I began to accumulate the stuff we needed to take with us. As an avid fisherman, I was anxious to get my feet wet in the surf and fish for the feisty surf perch that swam just off shore. While we were visiting our friends the year before, I had noticed a local Mexican man fishing on the beach with just some monofilament line wrapped around a coke bottle. As we spoke, he displayed a nice string of surf perch he had caught. In anticipation of the fishing, I packed my seven foot surf rod, spinning reel and a supply of hooks and sinkers. The night before we were to leave, we loaded our little red Mazda pickup truck for our first family vacation in Mexico.

At the time our son Randy was two weeks away from turning three. It was a quick trip from our home in San Diego to the quaint little house perched above the blue Pacific Ocean. When we arrived, we quickly unpacked the truck and surveyed the house and its surrounds. There was a large flagstone patio in the back of the house that overlooked the ocean. A winding stone staircase led down the bluff to the beach below. We were all excited to get our feet wet and I found myself deep in thought as to what the week’s vacation would hold. Prime for me of course was the chance to fish the pounding surf.

Once we had all our clothes and food stowed in their proper places in the house, we boarded the truck for a trip into town and few miles to the south. The town essentially existed on a single broad and dusty main street lined with stores, restaurants and night clubs. The biggest and most famous landmark was the old Rosarita Beach Hotel. We were interested in finding a bakery and a supermarket where we planned to retrieve daily necessities to augment the food we had from home.

Each morning, I drove the truck into town to get fresh rolls from the bakery, a San Diego newspaper and anything else we needed from the grocery store. When Randy came along we looked for some treats for him.

I have found that turning points cannot be legislated or created by our own hand or mind. Such is the turning point of this story.

Since my childhood I was an avid fisherman. So, it was only natural for me to take along my fishing gear on a vacation that offered unlimited surf fishing in the Pacific. Each morning after breakfast, Randy and I went down to the beach. As the surf beat upon the sand, we scurried with small shovels in hand to scoop up as many sand crabs as we could catch. We filled a small bucket with a few dozen of the little creatures. These would become our precious bait. Of course Randy was simply fascinated by the little critters and would have been content to just spent time playing with them.
Sand crab
My desire was to feed as many of these critters on my fishing hooks to the hungry fish that I knew lurked just beyond the breaking waves. I had previously set up my surf fishing rod rigged with two hooks and a sinker. I baited the two hooks, took my position in the wash of the last wave and just as the next wave began to break I cast the bait, hooks, line and sinker over the wave. It quickly sank to the sandy depths below about thirty yards out. It didn’t take long for the first surf perch to take the bait. I hauled in my catch and Randy was so excited he wanted to try his hand at this new discovery – fishing.
Surf Perch
I showed Randy how to hook the flap of shell on the side of the sand crab and then helped him with the long surf rod and cast the baited rig past another wave. There he stood in his little red bathing suit, holding on for dear life to a seven foot long fishing rod. The motion of the waves and undertow kept a steady pull on the line causing the rod to bend at the tip.

Then it happened! A surf perch took the bait and all of a sudden holding on to the jerking rod became a real challenge for Randy. But, gritting his teeth for mental support, he succeeded in landing the fish all by himself. His excitement was written all over his face. Fortunately, I had my camera ready to record the event! Randy’s First Fish

Randy was hooked on fishing from this very moment. No longer was the catching of sand crabs the thrill of the day for him. Now, that was only the prelude to catching fish!

For a number of years following this initial vacation in Baja, we made the trip to that Rosarita beach house our annual destination. Each year Randy caught more, bigger and a greater variety of fish than he caught the previous year. These photos record the hauls for 1980.

Another Catch

Dog Fish

Dinner was great!

Turning Point(s)

Randy’s first fish was a turning point for me because it began a deeper connection with my son. Fishing became a common ground for our relationship. Over time it grew to include deep sea fishing in both the Pacific and Atlantic oceans, trout fishing in the glacier fed roaring Big Pine Creek in the eastern Sierras, Dorado fishing in Puerto Vallarta and Cabo San Lucas and shark and Dorado fishing in Cancun. But I also learned that as a parent, these life turning points cannot be planned, rather an open and expectant eye is necessary to see them as they present themselves. I am grateful that I saw the open door when Randy asked to fish in the surf that day. I didn’t measure his request by his size and think it impossible. I just worked to make it happen for him.
It turned out to be a profound turning point for Randy as well. It opened the door for him to learn many lessons in life and to find his passion. It became the vehicle for him to earn enough money to buy his first truck, to start a fishing club at school and to learn to love sushi and ultimately master the art of sushi making. His dream of owning and operating his own sushi restaurant became a crowning achievement among many others along the way.

My Dad and Books

My earliest recollection as a child became a significant turning point for me. According to my mother’s notes recording my progress in infancy, in my ninth month I discovered books and she wrote “Allan loves to have stories told to him”. Surprisingly, it was just after I turned one year old according to my mother’s notes, when I began to sleep in my own room.
My Dad

Sometime after that, I remembered my dad asked me to go to my room to get a book. I ran to the bookcase, grabbed my favorite book, “Jiggers” and ran into my parent’s room.

Dad in his rocking chair

There a large comfortable rocking chair resided with my dad comfortably seated. I jumped onto Daddy’s lap, book in hand ready for the story.

Allan & his Teddy in the Rocking Chair

The story was about a little girl and her dog named Jiggers. She loved to play with Jiggers until one day someone left the door open and Jiggers ran out and got lost. Her parents helped search for the dog but for a while Jiggers could not be found. Finally, Jiggers was found and the little girl’s tears turned into happy smiles.

My Dad read this book to me so many times I actually memorized it. He often tested me and skipped a sentence. I immediately stopped and corrected him, and promptly recited the sentence he skipped. Another book that I recalled was “The Poky Little Puppy” although I don’t remember the story for this one.

Turning Points

This experience gave me an appreciation for reading books, although I didn’t really read much other than school books until I reached high school. I also gained an appreciation for the power of storytelling and the importance of developing ability to explain things to others. These moments with my dad also created a deep love for him that helped me cope with his strictness during my teenage years.